If you’ve ever found yourself repeating the same instruction three times while your child seems completely oblivious, you’re not alone. Many parents and foster carers struggle with children who appear to have “selective hearing,” but the reality is that effective listening is a complex skill that needs to be taught and practised. It’s not simply about hearing words—it’s about processing, understanding, and responding appropriately to what’s being communicated.
Strong listening skills form the foundation for academic success, meaningful relationships, and emotional intelligence. Children who listen well tend to follow instructions more effectively, show greater empathy towards others, and feel more confident in social situations. The good news? These skills can be nurtured and strengthened with patience and the right approach.
Start with Your Own Listening Habits
Children are natural mimics, absorbing everything from your tone of voice to your body language. Before focusing on their listening skills, take an honest look at your own. Do you maintain eye contact when they’re speaking? Do you put down your phone during conversations? When you model attentive listening, you’re teaching them what respectful communication looks like.
Make a conscious effort to give your child your full attention when they’re speaking, even if they’re recounting every detail of their favourite television programme. This shows them that their words matter and demonstrates the kind of attention you’d like them to give others.
Create a Listening-Friendly Environment
Noise and distractions are listening’s worst enemies. When you need to have important conversations or give instructions, turn off the television, put away devices, and find a quiet space. This doesn’t mean your home needs to be silent all the time, but recognising when to minimise distractions helps children focus on what’s being said.
Consider your timing too. Trying to discuss tomorrow’s school arrangements whilst your child is absorbed in building blocks is likely to be unsuccessful. Wait for natural breaks in their activities, or gently ask for their attention first.
Make Instructions Clear and Age-Appropriate
Young children’s brains can only process so much information at once. Instead of saying, “Please go upstairs, brush your teeth, put on your pyjamas, and tidy your room,” break it down into manageable steps. Start with “Please go and brush your teeth,” then give the next instruction once they’ve completed the first task.
For children you foster with an agency like ISP Fostering, who may have experienced inconsistent communication in the past, clear and predictable instructions help build trust and security. They need to know what’s expected of them without feeling overwhelmed.
Practice Active Listening Games
Turn listening into an enjoyable activity rather than a chore. Simple games like “Simon Says” naturally develop attention and listening skills. Reading stories together and asking questions about plot details encourages careful listening. Musical games where children must identify different instruments or follow rhythm patterns also strengthen auditory processing abilities.
Try the “listening walk” game where you take turns identifying different sounds in your environment—birds singing, cars passing, or leaves rustling. These activities make listening feel like play rather than work.
Be Patient with the Process
Developing strong listening skills takes time, particularly for children who may have experienced trauma or inconsistent caregiving. Celebrate small improvements and remember that every child develops at their own pace. With consistent practice and patience, you’ll help them build a skill that will serve them throughout their lives.
